New Year, New Feeling

Random Dudes

My life has changed tremendously. One of the things I am very happy about is how awesome I feel. No more watching what I say when I am out with friends. No more worrying that I am going to be shunned by my family. I honestly feel the best I've ever felt.

What sucks is that I wish I felt like this in my prime playing shape. I needed to experience everything that I went through in order to get to the point I am at right now and I know that. I embrace it.

I spent New Year's with a bunch of friends at a bar downtown. Of course Reid came with me. This was the first time I had someone with me that I really cared about on New Years Eve.

Why should I care about the event of New Years? It's a reset button for a lot of people. It's a time to reflect back on life and think about what you want in the coming year.

Every NYE I try to set goals and accomplish them to the best of my ability. This year I looked at my life which was filled with a lot of ups and downs. My year ended on the upside which was fantastic. Looking ahead to 2012 was an amazing feeling. I am in love with a guy and have a huge promotion coming down the pike. Plus I am heading to Vegas with Reid to celebrate a friends birthday... it's a big gay birthday so that should be fun and a new experience.

As far as NYE goes this bar downtown that we went to is straight. No big deal. We got drinking and as it got closer to midnight a buddy of mine asked me if I was going to kiss Reid at midnight and shock most of the people in the bar if they noticed...

I am at a point where I don't care what anyone else thinks of me when I kiss Reid in public. I knew I wanted to make out with the man I loved when that clock struck midnight. I wanted to close out the year and start the new one connected in an embrace with the man I love with all my heart.

This wasn't going to be a random kiss... I planned on putting a lot of emotion and build up into this kiss. A kiss I have been waiting for my entire life. That sounds stupid and corny and a bunch of bullshit but I meant it and I still do.

Leading up to midnight I started whispering in Reid's ear that he was mine at midnight. He likes when i get aggressive. When I leaned in to tell him that I made sure to lick his earlobe a little bit. The minutes ticked down and turned into seconds... at 30 seconds I looked into his eyes and my emotion built up.

The kiss I gave him at midnight was fucking fantastic. For those of you reading and rolling your eyes I'm sorry. I can't help but gush about this guy.

After the celebration was over and everyone in the bar started doing shots and dancing to LMFAO a buddy of mine pulled me aside and told me that he expected nothing less of me that night. If I had not kissed Reid at midnight my buddy was going to give me a bunch of shit for being a pussy and not kissing my boyfriend. Granted the guys I was with could have taken the entire bar plus the bouncers by themselves... it was nice to have the support.

I am incredibly blessed and happy that I have friends that have been supportive and amazing. Not everyone has that kind of support and I have been incredibly lucky to have guys have my back.

Hope all of you had an amazing New Years Eve. Here's to 2012.

A lot of you in the comments have been asking how to get in touch with me... you can hit me up here.

Support

It's amazing to get an overwhelming amount of support from people in real life and from guys like you who read the blog and have been coming back to read about my life even though I take long breaks from posting on the site. I wanted to say thank you to everyone who has reached out to comment or send me an email.

The support I have received has been amazing. First and foremost... Reid has been by my side since I returned and endured a lot from me over the last few weeks.

What I left out of the stories below is that Reid and I had a conversation on the phone when I was home where I yelled at him for not being there for me. I wasn't clear in what I meant and he took what I said wrong and was incredibly angry at me. In any relationship it takes time for someone to settle down and realize what was going on in the situation.

When I returned home from NY, Reid was at the airport waiting for me. I did not know how he was going to react. If he was still mad at me for our conversation (argument) that we had a few days prior. He came up to me and gave me a huge hug and held me. It's one of those moments where you in the middle of an embrace and it just feels so incredibly right and so incredibly comforting that you just don't want it to end.

That night he made dinner for me at his place and watched some Netflix on his couch. We cuddled on the couch and just held each other.

In the time since that night I have needed some space to just reflect over what happened. Then my dad came to visit. After he left Reid would drop by my office to just say hi, take me to lunch and just be around to talk about anything and everything I ever needed. He's incredibly thoughtful and don't know what I did in a past life to deserve such a caring and amazing individual.

Telling my Family pt 2

There are a lot of things I regret in life. One of them is the story I am about to write. I have had some time to reflect on what happened after I told my parents. Time I really needed. I'm not proud of myself but this is what happened. 

Saturday rolled around and I knew I needed to tell my parents. I just couldn't do it. I thought a shot of Jack Daniels would calm my nerves. After a *few* shots I decided to head down and talk to my mom. She was in the kitchen... I think writing out Christmas cards. My father was not home. I grabbed a beer out of the fridge and sat down at the counter opposite of her. 

I started with small talk which led to her question "So, are you dating anyone? You know I would love grandchildren..."

Me: Yes, I am dating someone... (long awkward pause...)

Mom: So, what's her name?

Me: His name is Reid... .

FUCKKKKKKKK. I felt like the weight of the world was lifted off of my back... When I looked up at my mother she had a look of DEATH on her face.

I will spare you the insane conversation that followed. My mother broke down and started to cry. I started to cry... which led me to pound my beer. This made me angry that I made my mother cry. What also upset me is that in those moments she did not say, "I Love You"

An hour or so later my father came home. I was upstairs... crying on the phone to Reid. My mother told me that she needed some time. I heard them conversing and my father coming up the stairs... 

What happened next is also a blur. My father was upset that I had made my mother cry and wanted to know what I could have done to make her feel awful. In my tears I explained what happened and told my dad that I was gay... had a boyfriend and wanted to tell them because for the first time in my life I was truly happy with who I am. 

My father took a swing at me. He had been out watching football with some buddies and was a little drunk. His swing missed so I tackled him to the ground. Realizing what I did I quickly got up and ran out of the house.

I didn't go home for a few hours. Wanted them to cool down. I texted my cousin and had him pick me up where I went to a bar with him to talk. We grabbed some food at a diner and I headed back to the house to talk. Things were still tense but I had a heart to heart with my family and showed them pictures of Reid and I together. 

It's obviously been a few weeks since Thanksgiving and my dad made a surprise visit to see me. He gave me a few hours notice. He came down because he wanted to spend some time with me and talk. And boy did we ever. He felt so guilty about what had happened between us and wanted to talk with me and wanted to meet Reid. 

Everything is fine now. I think the visit helped him see that I was happy and he was able to get a lot of things off of his chest. I've been putting off writing this blog because I really didn't want to reopen my feelings of that weekend. 

I just know that there are people out there that don't want to come out to their family because they fear that the same thing will happen to them. It's totally been worth it.

My one piece of advice is to not drink alcohol before you come out because as you can see... shit hits the fan and everything escalates. I really wish Reid had been with me when I did this. My dad told me that after he saw Reid and I at dinner together he "understood" what I had been talking about. 

Everyone does things at their own speed. Everyone knows the time when they should come out to their folks and close friends. I thought I picked the right time and wish I could have done it in a different way. I'm out. My dad has met my boyfriend and it has made my relationship with Reid even stronger. 

Telling My Family

I remember watching the video above when it first hit YouTube.I cried my eyes out. I wanted to throw him in bed and cuddle with him. Here is this macho guy, a lot like myself, coming out to his dad on the phone and his dad loves him. I was incredibly happy for him.


My trip home to New York was hell. My flight was delayed getting into JFK and my cousin was stuck in traffic. I asked my cousin to pick me up for one reason... I wanted him to be the first family member I told. He's been like a brother to me all these years. Of course it did not go the way I planned. It never does. This entire weekend did not go as planned.

My cousin shows up late. I'm sweating. He asked me what I was up to on Wednesday night... the biggest night of the year to go out and get shitfaced. I had made plans to meet up with my buddies I saw at TJ's wedding.

(Awkward Silence)

Cousin: So are you fucking a lot of hot chicks in (city)?

I stared out the window at the passing cars on I-95.I thought I was going to puke.

I finally knew I needed to just rip the band-aid right off and I said this...

"No...not at all. I have a boyfriend..."

I fought back tears. I couldn't look at him in the face.

He started laughing like I was telling a joke and said something a long the lines of 'funny joke' or whatever... all I know is that I just let loose everything I have ever wanted to tell my cousin about being gay.

While I was talking a mile a minute my cousin pulled off of 95 and into a gas station. I really had not noticed because tears were coming out of me and my heart was racing a mile a minute. I honestly have no idea what I was saying to my cousin. Looking back I am trying to remember but all I can remember is me being a crying mess and my cousin looking at me.

He reached over and gave me a huge hug. Longer than a usual bro hug. This was a cry I had not had since I lost my Grandfather to cancer. For those of you out there who have gone through something similar I hope you know what I mean.

Again... the blur kicked in and my cousin and I talked about a lot of stuff. We stopped and grabbed a drink at a bar and just talked. Honestly.

He was shocked. At first he did not believe that I was being serious but when I started to cry my eyes out he was just in shock and didn't know how to react or what to do so he just listened to me.

While at the bar I showed him pictures of Reid. Talked about how we met. I didn't hold anything back and told him that we had started off as friends of friends, then fuck buddies and now a guy that I am absolutly in love with.

From there... the weekend went downhill... fast.

More on that later.

A Beautiful Story

Do you read Salon? I don't. Today, a friend of the blog sent along this article where Salon editor Steve Kornacki comes out of the closet. If you haven't read it yet take a read and come back when you're done. 

Yes... I just gave you homework. I'll wait...

I can remember days like Steve had... scared. Wanting more but constantly in denial. There was a switch that went off in my head one day when I was with Reid where I knew I wanted to be more than just a fuck buddy with him... but was too scared to tell him that too his face... he was the one who told me he was in love with me and I was relieved. 

Steve is not alone out there. I am one of millions of guys out there that has gone through something similar. 

Since I told you guys about my new boyfriend things have been amazing. Reid and I took a gigantic step out amongst friends of mine currently not living in my city. I took him as my date to a wedding in Boston a few weeks ago. 

I've almost known Reid for a full year and never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I could ever bring a guy around some of my best friends from growing up. My buddy - TJ - invited me to his wedding and I remember checking off yes for my +1 and I was nervous as fuck. I called him and the conversation was predictable but I had this long nightmare built up in my head. 

(paraphrased)

Me: Hey Teeej can I talk to you about something?

TJ: What up? Who's your +1 for the wedding? Bet she's hot... 

(pause)

Me: Well... it's my boyfriend Reid...

TJ: Are you fucking with me? 

My heart sank when he said that. I went on to explain how we met and how long he had been together and what he meant to me. TJ is a guy that I have known since middle school. Calling each other gay, cock suckers and every other slur in the book has always been a part of who we are. 

Paraphrased

TJ: Holy shit! I didn't know you were serious I shouldn't have said that... I love you bro. 

Coming out to friends has been easier than with family. Coming out to my family is looming over my head. I have the same fears as every one else does. Friends it seems like something different. This heart to heart with TJ was an hour on the phone. That's an eternity when it comes to guys talking on the phone.  I broke down and cried a little bit with him... which he told me to stop being a little bitch... jokingly. The real reason I wanted to ask him is because I did not want to create a scene... something bigger than the wedding. Sure it would be nice to ease into it by introducing Reid at a bar or social event. 

TJ's parents picked up and left my home town for Arizona after high school. He currently lives in Boston with his now wife where she is from. I was worried about bringing a dude to his wedding before telling my parents... but this was something I wanted to do and think I needed to do before telling my parents. Every one is different.

The weekend was fantastic. I had some comp days that I had to use in 2011 so I decided to make a trip to NYC before heading to Boston. I was lucky enough to stay with friends and even met up with my friend JP. Reid met me in NYC for a night out. It was his first time in the city and wanted to have a huge night out.

The rest of the wedding was a blur. 3 of my buddies from high school reached out to me. TJ spilled the beans and they wrote me incredible e-mails to me as friends. My entire life I have been worried about what my friends would think. That they would be disgusted with me and never want to hang out with me ever again. Like I would have AIDS and cooties at the same time.

These guys were my high school jock buddies. Fucking the prom queen... extremely masculine. I wasn't too thrilled with TJ telling these guys and not letting me do it on my own terms. Regardless the wedding was amazing. 

I decided that Thanksgiving is going to be my time to come out of the closet to my parents. Not at dinner but during the weekend. I fucking nervous as hell and let's hope that this goes well.

Relationships take work

The day after I told my buddy Steve that I had a boyfriend I had a very wide range of emotions. Confusion, pride, happiness and I was scared. I texted Reid to thank him for the beer and to tell him how awesome he was.

He asked me to come over to his place that night after work to just hang out. Something was different. Reid had made some pasta, salad and meatballs for us to eat and watch TV.

There was a time while I was in college where I wrote down in a journal what I wanted in a boyfriend. Well, I had written it as "girlfriend" as a just in case someone found it. I wanted someone I could cuddle on a couch with and watch a ball game. I wanted someone who would let me go out with my friends and not feel jealous.

That night I thought about that journal entry and what I had in Reid. Over the summer our relationship has got stronger.

The next hurdle is going to be my family. I am terrified of how they will take their macho baseball player son as having a girlfriend. Part of me doesn't care because I love Reid so much and know that my parents will be loving and accepting of who I really am no matter what. There is still that terror in the pit of my stomach that comes in shockwaves when I lay awake at night thinking about telling them.

Something I do know is that before Christmas I will be coming out to my parents.

Over the last few weeks, with extra time on my hands, I've spent a lot of time online and on the road. Which has meant time away from my man and more time to kill in hotel rooms.

I caught up with a bunch of e-mail and started talking with two separate people who live in New York City. One is a varsity athlete at a NYC college. The other is an investment banker in his mid-20's trying to come to terms with liking guys, being gay and is terrified of having his friends find out that he likes dudes.

I was once in both of their shoes.To me, it's crazy to think about how much I have changed in the last year. I've found myself. I'm comfortable with who I am and not afraid to be who I am when I am around old college buddies or new people I meet.


I know a lot of you come here to the blog for my sexy stories and possibly the pictures I post. I have one that I have been working on from my pre-Reid days which I will post soon. Just wanted to share with you guys that the summer has been fantastic and that the fall is going to be even better.

"This is my boyfriend Reid"

I uttered those words for the first time to a friend of mine last week. That night, while home alone I sobbed in bed. Part of me was scared to death of what was going to happen after I made that introduction. Part of me was crying to be so happily in love with someone and finally being able to tell someone about it.

A few months ago I told you about Reid, how we met and more recently about how we were just fuck buds. Something happened.

Most gay guys are seeking perfection in a boyfriend. Some just want a hole to fuck and don't mind jumping from guy to guy. A little after I wrote that blog post about how Reid and I were just fuck buddies he wanted to go and grab dinner.

After I got out of work I drove out to his place, picked him up and we went to this place about 30 minutes away. We sat at a table near the bar mostly to watch a game that was on TV. After usual bullshit small talk he looked at me and fell silent.

"I think I'm in love with you." he said.

I didn't know how to respond. I knew that I really liked him. I knew that I enjoyed having sex with him. I knew that I liked being around him any chance I could. I was silent.

Our food came right after he uttered those words. You could cut the tension with the steak knife I had in front of me. Not to let the moment linger I told him that I really liked him too and didn't know how to respond right now to the L-Bomb.

After that I felt like every set of eyes in the place were judging me.

I told him that i wanted to talk to him but did not want to talk about it at the table. We finished up and headed outside to take a walk in a nearby park. It was getting close to dusk and ironically we stopped and sat on a set of bleachers and an empty baseball diamond. I apologized to him about not wanting to talk about "us" at the place and for my reaction to him dropping the L-bomb.

I looked into Reid's eyes and he just unloaded everything that he has wanted to say to me over the last few months. He never wanted to define anything between us because he was scared of how I would react. With our late night meetings and being covert about everything that we were doing he thought that's all I wanted. In the beginning he was fine with it because he thought I was hot and didn't want to ruin what we had.

My emotions got the best of me and everything played out like a movie. He kept talking and I moved up a row to sit directly next to him as he kept talking. At one point he stopped and looked me dead in the eyes. I leaned in and kissed him. In front of an empty baseball field I kissed my new boyfriend and felt those fireworks that everyone talks about when talking about falling in love.

I've had butterflies before and been in lust with a few guys before. This was different.

What started as being fuck buddies has turned into something more. It's turned into something that I could never have even dreamed of.

Yes, I am gushing and it's sort of obnoxious. I hate when friends of mine on Facebook do this.

This takes me to last week when a buddy of mine from college was in town and wanted to grab drinks. Steve is one of the coolest guys you will ever meet. He was a crazy guy when we were in school and in my opinion as liberal as you can get being from South Carolina.

We met at a bar downtown and when I saw Steve he gave me a huge bear hug as only Steve could do. Maybe it's because I had been out with a few gay friends the night before and introduced Reid as my boyfriend. Maybe I subconsciously needed to get it out. I have no idea why I blurted those words out loud to Steve.

It took him a few seconds to process what I had said. He reached out and gave him a big bear hug as well. The rest of the night was like hanging out with Steve back in the day.

At the end of the night as we were leaving Steve pulled me aside and asked me if I was fucking with him and joking around about Reid being a boyfriend. I said no, that we had just started dating after knowing each other for a while and that it felt right and that I was happy.

Being the epic bro that he is Steve said this to me, "Listen, you know me and I'm not that kind of guy that's going to go around and tell people 'guess who loves the cock...' I'm happy for you and want you to know that you are one of my best friends no matter what. I don't know if you want me broadcasting it to the world so I'll let you tell people on your own terms."

I told Reid this when he dropped me off at home. He wanted to stay but I asked him to give me some time alone which he was totally cool with. I wish he had stayed so he could have held me while I sobbed.

The next morning I had a six pack of my favorite summer ale sitting on my doorstep with a card from Reid saying "I'm proud of you"

If things continue to develop the way they are this I think that my parents may be the next to know. I feel like nothing in this world can stop me right now.

Ok.. we are back...

Ok.. apparently Google took my blog down for a little while. No need to fear... I am still here.

It was apparently removed because I post naked pictures on my blog and talk about "adult themes"but had not listed it as an "Adult themed site"

In other words... I need to list my site as an "Adult" site because I have posted pictures of naked men and someone was offended and reported the site as porn.

I fixed the problem and I seem to be back up and running now.

I'd like to post more "hardcore" pictures but... there are people that like to use Google reader at work and that would totally not make it by a sensor. So I don't know what I am going to do now.

Self reflection about the blog but lot's going on in my life.

I'm still here. Keep reading.

Reid

 So a lot of you guys wanna know about Reid and want to know about my sex life. One of the NUMBER 1 questions was if we are still "together"...

Well... I guess you could say that's complicated.

Reid and I are still fucking. I guess the best way we can describe each other is as fuck buds. I am ok with that.

I can never sleep next to someone when I'm sober. It's weird for me. On the road I was fine because it wasn't anything sexual with the guys. When I have someone stay in my bed I usually can only sleep about an hour or so and then WHAM I wake up, realize that someone is next too me and then I can possibly fall back asleep.

I usually have a boner when that happens.

Our sex life consists mostly of late night texting, sexting and meeting at my apartment to fuck at some point after midnight. It's loose. It's fun. It's exactly what I need right now.

Summer is here and I have a little more free time than usual. Now that I do have the time maybe I'll start thinking about treating this thing what ever it is right now more like a relationship.

Sure, I'd love to have a boyfriend but honestly I don't think I'm ready and love that I don't have to define what we have right now.

Not too long ago, I met up with Reid at a party he was at. Since we became friends through friends who now all hang out together at bars it's not uncommon for us to hang out at a party. I say that, because, what we have is pretty awesome. He's a guy that I connect with on so many levels. Sexually and personally. We have an attraction that is oddly kept at bay. When we do have a moment alone it's tender yet animalistic.

This party was at full swing. A friend of friends was having a kegger to celebrate graduating from law school and having one last hurrah before heading off to the wonderful world of corporate law.  It was honestly like college again. We had dinner at a college bar, pregammed, and headed over.

We were waiting in line for the bathroom and when it opened up we were the only two in line. I waited till it was all clear and joined him in the bathroom. Locked the door and started grabbing each other. He pulled my tshirt up and started biting my nipples... then licking them softly. We made out for another few seconds and realized we couldn't spend that much time together.

I pissed all the while he was rubbing my back and saying what he wanted to do to me that night.

We went back to the party like nothing happened.

I got drunk and knew he would be over later. I asked Reid to send me a text when he got close by. As soon as I got it I stripped down and waited to hear him walk up to the door. I opened the door and thre him against the hallway wall and kissed him. He threw me back into the apartment and slammed the door.

What followed was a night I will never forget. I haven't been with a guy in a very long time where I felt very comfortable to have sex with. Now by have sex with I mean have him fuck me.

Up until now I had been the top. That night, wether it was liquid courage to bottom for him or it was my pure lust and complete trust and comfortable level with him I really don't know. I think I am trying to figure that out right now.

What I do know is that I am living in the moment and I have been incredibly happy.

Guys have been asking what he looks like and the best way I can describe him is this... He looks a lot like Max from FratPad.

I'll leave you with some hot pics for now. Some more stories coming soon.

Ask Slugger

Ed Asks:

i have one question for you - did you ever get called up to play in the majors?

 My career had up's and downs. While I was never an everyday Major League player I did get called up to play in the majors several times in my career.

Rambling...

A lot has happened in the last few months.

A soccer player in Europe, Anton Hysén, came out of the closet. When I first read about it on Outsports I was surprised.

He is the equivalent of a minor league baseball player coming out of the closet in the European soccer system.

I think the guy has some balls on him. Anton felt as though he could be openly gay in the locker room and in the public eye and not have it affect his paycheck.

Everyone's different. Time's are different. I have a handful of friends that know I'm gay No one in my family know's and I'm ok with that right now. I received several e-mails after this happened asking me about my thoughts on it and if I would be revealing myself since there is now an openly gay soccer player.

The answer is still no. I wrote almost 2 years ago (fuck, 2 years?! Really?) how I would not be the gay trailblazer in baseball. I didn't want the attention as a player. Now, that I am not playing but still in the professional baseball world I don't want my sexuality to be a topic of conversation behind my back or prevent me from a raise or promotion.

Am I being paranoid in a world that is becoming more open and accepting to gay's... perhaps. It's just my comfort level right now.

Other Shit
While I am not playing right now I am still involved in baseball. My new career path (post injury) has me traveling the U.S. which is pretty awesome. I still get to hang in the clubhouse, take batting practice every so often and I get to interact with some incredibly hot and good looking baseball players.

Now you would think that I would be catching a guys eye, shooting him a wink and then plowing him in the locker room after every one has gone home only to have the hot coach walk in and both teach us a lesson.

It couldn't be farther from the truth. When I'm in that environment I try and take some mental pictures for myself to use later on when I'm home.

Who I've been fucking

Right before Christmas I met this guy while out with friends. It was kind of in passing through random friends of mine from college. We exchanged phone numbers and started texting each other. We talked about the end of football season, college basketball and our hatred for Kobe Bryant.

On New Years Eve, Reid shot me a text asking what I was up too. I had been out with friends and made my way back to my place and was cruising Adam4Adam for a New Years hook up. I told him he should come over for some beers. He was at my place about 20 minutes later.

Our texts had been really flirty over the last few weeks. Talking about how sexually frustrating the holidays are with being around family and a terrible winter. We sat on the couch and just started talking with the TV playing in the background.

I was so nervous with him in front of me. I just wanted to jump on top of him, rip his clothes off and go to town on him. Then it happened. 

He casually touched my knee while talking to me. A few minutes later while I did the same but a little bit higher on his thigh.

He stopped mid-sentence and smiled at me.

It's that moment where you don't know which way the situation is going to go. Well, I decided to take the initiative and lean in. I thought it was going to be some slow-motion make out where we take our time or have him yell, "I AINT NO FAGGOT!". He grabbed the back of my head and pulled me in for a long kiss.

There are times when I am hooking up with a guy where I don't want to kiss and I just wanna get my dick out, fuck and be done with it. Reid and I just made out for what seemed like hours. Grinding on each other, licking my neck grabbing me all over my body.

I could feel his raging hard on in his pants.

We ended up in my bedroom ripping our clothes off. We didn't take our time and hang out in our boxer briefs... we just got completely naked and kept going at it.

He stopped kissing me, leaned in and said... "I want you to dominate me."

That night we fucked for hours. The sun started to come up as I blasted my load on his chest.

It was a fantastic night and a fantastic next afternoon when I woke up next to him. I have plenty more stories to tell you about Reid.

Let me know if you like the detail in the story. I can get dirtier and give you guys some more details in my next post.

Writing a Book

Something that sticks out to me is the amount of people who write in to say that they sit down and read the entire blog in one sitting. I have had this thing for years but in reality I haven't really written that much.

I received and e-mail about a year ago from a book editor looking to meet me and talk about a possible book deal. I had been approached before a long time ago asking for me to write a daily diary in hopes that it will be published one day.

I was skeptical of meeting this publisher/editor and kept everything via e-mail. He gave me his phone number just in case I wanted to give him a call or stop by his office to chat.

I've kept an in-depth diary that I don't keep under my pillow. It's actually in my safe next to my birth certificate and passport in case any of you break into my apartment. A friend of mine who really knows me wanted to write a screenplay about part of my life a few years ago. I freaked out on him for obvious reasons and barely talked to him for a year. Everything is fine now and I told him to write something and let me read it.

I don't know if this is something i wanna do but if it is I want to go all out and not do it half ass.

Ask Slugger

Most of you hate when I take long breaks from the blog. One of the common emails I get from you guys is that you discover my blog and read it all in one sitting. 

When I get down on myself about stupid bullshit usually log in to this e-mail address and see who has written in. When I see that a guy reads about my life it helped out and made them feel more normal it makes me happy. Sure it strokes my ego a little bit but at least something is getting stroked. 

You guys have sent in some interesting questions which I thought I would answer for you. 

To the mailbag! (I feel like Bill Simmons)

Have you seen the Duke Fuck List? Did you keep your own fuck list while in college?

For those who have not heard about the Duke Fuck List check out Deadspin. In short; a girl at Duke had sex with a bunch of Athletes at the school including some Baseball players. She ranked them on cock size and how they were in bed. 

A buddy of mine that went to Duke sent this to me last week and I gotta say that when I read it I immediately got wood. I've done something similar here on my blog but with a major difference. None of you know the guys I have been sleeping with. I think that the project could have been done as a blog without the actual names of the guys and their pictures. I feel bad for the guys

Let's be honest though. The guy above is hot. I'm sure he's cocky and from reading about him he sounds like he does get a fair amount of tail. I'd fuck him. 

Ed asks:

Do you wear a jock strap or compression shorts?

A lot of you want to know what kind of underwear I wear. It's one of the most popular e-mails I get from you guys. I answered that question 2 years ago. 

To update you guys on the underwear situation... it's still the same.

Back

Hey guys. I am back. Trying to figure out what to talk about besides my story below. Tell me what you want to know about. Email me.

It's Fall!

Out of all the seasons Fall may be my favorite. Since Labor Day we have seen pennant races in baseball, the return of college football and the NFL and it's also back to school time.

I remember (and still kind of miss) going back to school. Even though it had only been a couple of months school seemed so new.

Don't get me wrong... I love summer. I had a great summer. I met a guy and dated over the summer.

It was my first dating experience while somewhat out of the closet in my new environment. Most gay guys are on hookup dating websites and I am the same. I decided to join a certain one and see what kind of guys were in the area. That's when I met Ben. In my profile I mentioned that I am into sports and am looking for another masculine guy who is also into sports. Ben responded.

We met up that night at a sports bar. I wasn't looking for just sex... I was looking for someone who was more than a hookup. When we met I found out that he was a senior in college and had just come out of the closet. In his pics he looked pretty masculine but in person he acted a little too feminine for what I was used too.

We still had beers and talked about college basketball, which he was a big fan of. He also liked the WNBA. Not that there is anything wrong with that but I mean come on... WNBA. I promised myself that I would be more open to guys that aren't exactly the quarterback next door who loves playing fantasy football.

We walked to our cars at the end of the night and he asked if I wanted to come back to his apartment. I did.

We were going to watch some TV but he had other plans and as soon as we sat on the couch he made his move and went right in for a kiss. It had been a little while since I had actually hooked up with a guy and it felt good to get back into it.

As we were making out I asserted myself and took control of the night. I started to feel up his body and felt a body that had been toned over the summer. He has a swimmer build with a little bit of meat on his bones. He is not skinny but he is athletic but not the built athletic jock guys that I am usually attracted to.

He went for my pants and took my cock out and gave me one of the best blow jobs I have had in a long time. I went home that night and thought about everything that happened that night and realized that this guy was pretty cool and not exactly what I wanted in a guy but we clicked in the bedroom.

For the rest of the summer we hooked up on and off. Mostly late night hookups after the bar. I last saw him before labor day. He took off for a semester in New York.