Moving

I had an opportunity arise a few months ago that I jumped on. A chance to manage a team. Doesn't matter the level there is something rewarding working with younger guys and mentoring them in this game and in life.

What really sucked about it was the fact that I would have to move pretty far away from the life that i have established here. When I settled down into my condo and my new post-player life I was an entirely different person. I was single, still in the closet and not really comfortable with my life.

Today... I'm an openly gay man in a loving relationship just trying to keep my career and work life in order and balance.

I was approached by my new employer and we had a serious talk about the position. I was very open about the fact that I had a boyfriend and that if I were to accept the job he would be moving with me. I wanted to be upfront so that there was no surprise once I got there. I have been pretty quiet with my personal life in my old job and just didn't feel like having it be a skeleton in my closet. Management was surprised with my declaration but it did not matter to them. I was the man for this job.

Now the hardest part. Talking to Reid about this opportunity and convincing him to move away with me. Move a pretty long way away from what we have established here. A really great group of friends.

Reid and I have a long standing tradition that we go out for dinner on Wednesday nights together. Don't ask me why... I think we wanted something to look forward to midweek. But no matter what we go out every Wednesday. It's our time together. We sat down at this local pub we like to go to and I told him that I was approached by a team from a place far away that presented an opportunity to do something that I love and I was thinking of taking the offer seriously but only if he was interested in coming with me.

Which got us into a conversation of what he means to me and why I want him by my side for this journey. I was surprised with how excited he was about this possible move. What I think got him really excited was the fact that we would be moving together and moving in with each other.

Now... it wasn't all that smooth. He wanted to think about it but the look on his face when I first told him about the job was "Yes". This place wanted me so bad that they gave us a three day trial in the city to see how we liked it. Of course we loved staying in a nice hotel, close to downtown and had a great mini vacation while trying on a new city for size.

What was great was that we used that time to talk, reconnect and talk about our dreams of what we wanted to do in our life and our relationship. I'm happy to say that we decided to make the move and it's turned out pretty good. Reid had a chance to "work from home" and we actually get to spend a lot of time together.

Once the New Year starts my job will get crazy but right now with the holidays I'm happy to have my boyfriend next to me.

Other Gay Athletes

Support for gay athletes is at an all time high. I've been getting questions about why I haven't talked about the NHL and Brendan Burke "You can Play" program. Why I haven't talked about the "It Gets Better" videos that numerous baseball teams and colleges have created.

I'm not much of a news site and guess that I should have posted my feelings about how monumental this past year has been. I don't see myself as much of an activist. Am I a role model? I guess. Do I want to be a poster boy for gay athletes professional and amateur? No.

Most of this site contains stories about my sexual past, nearly naked men and ramblings of a young, immature baseball player coming to terms with his sexuality. It's my digital journal is growing up and realizing that I am not alone in the world and that I am not the first person to ever deal with these feelings and these problems.

I've had a chance to talk with many other athletes out there who have shared stories of their own. Asked for advice when clearly I was not one to give advice to them because I had my own problems I was dealing with. Who was I to dispense advice?

I'm older, wiser and feel like now I am in a place where I can give out advice from my past experiences and truly know what it's like to come full circle from a scared teenager to a boring adult with an amazing partner that I used to only dream of.

So what is going on with Reid and I? We are a fucking boring couple. Honestly. I have been traveling a lot and over the last week I have finally been able to settle down and enjoy 10 un-interupted days with Reid.

That's rare and I have enjoyed every single day I've had with him. I know that this bliss really pisses a lot of you off because you want to hear about all of the crazy, raunchy and dirty sex we have while wearing jock straps, baseball gear, etc... but it's kinda different. Maybe it's because I'm in love with the guy? I don't know.

I do have a story of a dude I have been chatting with for almost a year who is an athlete at a pretty big university and dated a baseball player. Writing it up for all of you so you can at least get some juicy stories from someone.

Life isn't perfect

Don't read into the title too much.

Life has got in the way of the blog and most of you guys know that I am not a frequent, everyday blogger. It's a busy time. Baseball season is now in full swing and my life gets more complicated by the day constantly being on the road and away from the boyfriend for long periods of time.

When I do get to spend a lot of time with Reid I cherish every moment.Our relationship may play out like a fairy tale on here but I do leave out little fights that we have from time to time. those are natural to have over the course of a relationship.

What I do love about him is that he is incredibly level headed. He's caring. He's always there for me when I need him and above all he is loyal.

Something I have noticed a lot in the gay world is that cheating sometimes isn't that big of a deal. It is to me. I only want to be with Reid. We had a talk about threesomes after hanging out with another couple one night.

The other couple, let's call them Gary and Ben, were talking about how they have invited a third guy into their relationship. He's a 21 year old college student... a hot twinky plaything that they can both play with together or separately.

I asked how it worked and they said that they needed some spark in their sex life and could not resist how hot the kid was.

After dinner Reid and I talked about the whole situation and I flatly said that I wanted Reid all to myself. He agreed and didn't really see the need to share me with anyone else. It's just not something we are interested in doing and that's fine. I know a couple that are both "tops" and have been dating for the last 3 years. They have sex with other people and don't have sex with each other. I'm not one to judge someone. I just know what I want and what I like.

Back to Gary and Ben... After that dinner party it turns out that the twinky college boy fell for Ben. Like fell in love with Ben and was disgusted with Gary. He professed this to Ben and asked him to leave Gary. A fight ensued and Gary left. A week later the twink boy moved home and started dating a bartender or DJ and Ben was left with a broken relationship and possibly herpes.

New Year, New Feeling

Random Dudes

My life has changed tremendously. One of the things I am very happy about is how awesome I feel. No more watching what I say when I am out with friends. No more worrying that I am going to be shunned by my family. I honestly feel the best I've ever felt.

What sucks is that I wish I felt like this in my prime playing shape. I needed to experience everything that I went through in order to get to the point I am at right now and I know that. I embrace it.

I spent New Year's with a bunch of friends at a bar downtown. Of course Reid came with me. This was the first time I had someone with me that I really cared about on New Years Eve.

Why should I care about the event of New Years? It's a reset button for a lot of people. It's a time to reflect back on life and think about what you want in the coming year.

Every NYE I try to set goals and accomplish them to the best of my ability. This year I looked at my life which was filled with a lot of ups and downs. My year ended on the upside which was fantastic. Looking ahead to 2012 was an amazing feeling. I am in love with a guy and have a huge promotion coming down the pike. Plus I am heading to Vegas with Reid to celebrate a friends birthday... it's a big gay birthday so that should be fun and a new experience.

As far as NYE goes this bar downtown that we went to is straight. No big deal. We got drinking and as it got closer to midnight a buddy of mine asked me if I was going to kiss Reid at midnight and shock most of the people in the bar if they noticed...

I am at a point where I don't care what anyone else thinks of me when I kiss Reid in public. I knew I wanted to make out with the man I loved when that clock struck midnight. I wanted to close out the year and start the new one connected in an embrace with the man I love with all my heart.

This wasn't going to be a random kiss... I planned on putting a lot of emotion and build up into this kiss. A kiss I have been waiting for my entire life. That sounds stupid and corny and a bunch of bullshit but I meant it and I still do.

Leading up to midnight I started whispering in Reid's ear that he was mine at midnight. He likes when i get aggressive. When I leaned in to tell him that I made sure to lick his earlobe a little bit. The minutes ticked down and turned into seconds... at 30 seconds I looked into his eyes and my emotion built up.

The kiss I gave him at midnight was fucking fantastic. For those of you reading and rolling your eyes I'm sorry. I can't help but gush about this guy.

After the celebration was over and everyone in the bar started doing shots and dancing to LMFAO a buddy of mine pulled me aside and told me that he expected nothing less of me that night. If I had not kissed Reid at midnight my buddy was going to give me a bunch of shit for being a pussy and not kissing my boyfriend. Granted the guys I was with could have taken the entire bar plus the bouncers by themselves... it was nice to have the support.

I am incredibly blessed and happy that I have friends that have been supportive and amazing. Not everyone has that kind of support and I have been incredibly lucky to have guys have my back.

Hope all of you had an amazing New Years Eve. Here's to 2012.

A lot of you in the comments have been asking how to get in touch with me... you can hit me up here.

Support

It's amazing to get an overwhelming amount of support from people in real life and from guys like you who read the blog and have been coming back to read about my life even though I take long breaks from posting on the site. I wanted to say thank you to everyone who has reached out to comment or send me an email.

The support I have received has been amazing. First and foremost... Reid has been by my side since I returned and endured a lot from me over the last few weeks.

What I left out of the stories below is that Reid and I had a conversation on the phone when I was home where I yelled at him for not being there for me. I wasn't clear in what I meant and he took what I said wrong and was incredibly angry at me. In any relationship it takes time for someone to settle down and realize what was going on in the situation.

When I returned home from NY, Reid was at the airport waiting for me. I did not know how he was going to react. If he was still mad at me for our conversation (argument) that we had a few days prior. He came up to me and gave me a huge hug and held me. It's one of those moments where you in the middle of an embrace and it just feels so incredibly right and so incredibly comforting that you just don't want it to end.

That night he made dinner for me at his place and watched some Netflix on his couch. We cuddled on the couch and just held each other.

In the time since that night I have needed some space to just reflect over what happened. Then my dad came to visit. After he left Reid would drop by my office to just say hi, take me to lunch and just be around to talk about anything and everything I ever needed. He's incredibly thoughtful and don't know what I did in a past life to deserve such a caring and amazing individual.

Telling my Family pt 2

There are a lot of things I regret in life. One of them is the story I am about to write. I have had some time to reflect on what happened after I told my parents. Time I really needed. I'm not proud of myself but this is what happened. 

Saturday rolled around and I knew I needed to tell my parents. I just couldn't do it. I thought a shot of Jack Daniels would calm my nerves. After a *few* shots I decided to head down and talk to my mom. She was in the kitchen... I think writing out Christmas cards. My father was not home. I grabbed a beer out of the fridge and sat down at the counter opposite of her. 

I started with small talk which led to her question "So, are you dating anyone? You know I would love grandchildren..."

Me: Yes, I am dating someone... (long awkward pause...)

Mom: So, what's her name?

Me: His name is Reid... .

FUCKKKKKKKK. I felt like the weight of the world was lifted off of my back... When I looked up at my mother she had a look of DEATH on her face.

I will spare you the insane conversation that followed. My mother broke down and started to cry. I started to cry... which led me to pound my beer. This made me angry that I made my mother cry. What also upset me is that in those moments she did not say, "I Love You"

An hour or so later my father came home. I was upstairs... crying on the phone to Reid. My mother told me that she needed some time. I heard them conversing and my father coming up the stairs... 

What happened next is also a blur. My father was upset that I had made my mother cry and wanted to know what I could have done to make her feel awful. In my tears I explained what happened and told my dad that I was gay... had a boyfriend and wanted to tell them because for the first time in my life I was truly happy with who I am. 

My father took a swing at me. He had been out watching football with some buddies and was a little drunk. His swing missed so I tackled him to the ground. Realizing what I did I quickly got up and ran out of the house.

I didn't go home for a few hours. Wanted them to cool down. I texted my cousin and had him pick me up where I went to a bar with him to talk. We grabbed some food at a diner and I headed back to the house to talk. Things were still tense but I had a heart to heart with my family and showed them pictures of Reid and I together. 

It's obviously been a few weeks since Thanksgiving and my dad made a surprise visit to see me. He gave me a few hours notice. He came down because he wanted to spend some time with me and talk. And boy did we ever. He felt so guilty about what had happened between us and wanted to talk with me and wanted to meet Reid. 

Everything is fine now. I think the visit helped him see that I was happy and he was able to get a lot of things off of his chest. I've been putting off writing this blog because I really didn't want to reopen my feelings of that weekend. 

I just know that there are people out there that don't want to come out to their family because they fear that the same thing will happen to them. It's totally been worth it.

My one piece of advice is to not drink alcohol before you come out because as you can see... shit hits the fan and everything escalates. I really wish Reid had been with me when I did this. My dad told me that after he saw Reid and I at dinner together he "understood" what I had been talking about. 

Everyone does things at their own speed. Everyone knows the time when they should come out to their folks and close friends. I thought I picked the right time and wish I could have done it in a different way. I'm out. My dad has met my boyfriend and it has made my relationship with Reid even stronger.