Saturday rolled around and I knew I needed to tell my parents. I just couldn't do it. I thought a shot of Jack Daniels would calm my nerves. After a *few* shots I decided to head down and talk to my mom. She was in the kitchen... I think writing out Christmas cards. My father was not home. I grabbed a beer out of the fridge and sat down at the counter opposite of her.
I started with small talk which led to her question "So, are you dating anyone? You know I would love grandchildren..."
Me: Yes, I am dating someone... (long awkward pause...)
Mom: So, what's her name?
Me: His name is Reid... .
FUCKKKKKKKK. I felt like the weight of the world was lifted off of my back... When I looked up at my mother she had a look of DEATH on her face.
I will spare you the insane conversation that followed. My mother broke down and started to cry. I started to cry... which led me to pound my beer. This made me angry that I made my mother cry. What also upset me is that in those moments she did not say, "I Love You"
An hour or so later my father came home. I was upstairs... crying on the phone to Reid. My mother told me that she needed some time. I heard them conversing and my father coming up the stairs...
What happened next is also a blur. My father was upset that I had made my mother cry and wanted to know what I could have done to make her feel awful. In my tears I explained what happened and told my dad that I was gay... had a boyfriend and wanted to tell them because for the first time in my life I was truly happy with who I am.
My father took a swing at me. He had been out watching football with some buddies and was a little drunk. His swing missed so I tackled him to the ground. Realizing what I did I quickly got up and ran out of the house.
I didn't go home for a few hours. Wanted them to cool down. I texted my cousin and had him pick me up where I went to a bar with him to talk. We grabbed some food at a diner and I headed back to the house to talk. Things were still tense but I had a heart to heart with my family and showed them pictures of Reid and I together.
It's obviously been a few weeks since Thanksgiving and my dad made a surprise visit to see me. He gave me a few hours notice. He came down because he wanted to spend some time with me and talk. And boy did we ever. He felt so guilty about what had happened between us and wanted to talk with me and wanted to meet Reid.
Everything is fine now. I think the visit helped him see that I was happy and he was able to get a lot of things off of his chest. I've been putting off writing this blog because I really didn't want to reopen my feelings of that weekend.
I just know that there are people out there that don't want to come out to their family because they fear that the same thing will happen to them. It's totally been worth it.
My one piece of advice is to not drink alcohol before you come out because as you can see... shit hits the fan and everything escalates. I really wish Reid had been with me when I did this. My dad told me that after he saw Reid and I at dinner together he "understood" what I had been talking about.
Everyone does things at their own speed. Everyone knows the time when they should come out to their folks and close friends. I thought I picked the right time and wish I could have done it in a different way. I'm out. My dad has met my boyfriend and it has made my relationship with Reid even stronger.