Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Relationships take work

The day after I told my buddy Steve that I had a boyfriend I had a very wide range of emotions. Confusion, pride, happiness and I was scared. I texted Reid to thank him for the beer and to tell him how awesome he was.

He asked me to come over to his place that night after work to just hang out. Something was different. Reid had made some pasta, salad and meatballs for us to eat and watch TV.

There was a time while I was in college where I wrote down in a journal what I wanted in a boyfriend. Well, I had written it as "girlfriend" as a just in case someone found it. I wanted someone I could cuddle on a couch with and watch a ball game. I wanted someone who would let me go out with my friends and not feel jealous.

That night I thought about that journal entry and what I had in Reid. Over the summer our relationship has got stronger.

The next hurdle is going to be my family. I am terrified of how they will take their macho baseball player son as having a girlfriend. Part of me doesn't care because I love Reid so much and know that my parents will be loving and accepting of who I really am no matter what. There is still that terror in the pit of my stomach that comes in shockwaves when I lay awake at night thinking about telling them.

Something I do know is that before Christmas I will be coming out to my parents.

Over the last few weeks, with extra time on my hands, I've spent a lot of time online and on the road. Which has meant time away from my man and more time to kill in hotel rooms.

I caught up with a bunch of e-mail and started talking with two separate people who live in New York City. One is a varsity athlete at a NYC college. The other is an investment banker in his mid-20's trying to come to terms with liking guys, being gay and is terrified of having his friends find out that he likes dudes.

I was once in both of their shoes.To me, it's crazy to think about how much I have changed in the last year. I've found myself. I'm comfortable with who I am and not afraid to be who I am when I am around old college buddies or new people I meet.


I know a lot of you come here to the blog for my sexy stories and possibly the pictures I post. I have one that I have been working on from my pre-Reid days which I will post soon. Just wanted to share with you guys that the summer has been fantastic and that the fall is going to be even better.


18 comments:

Pk said...

nope buddy. I come to your blog just for this. I'm glad you're coming to terms with all this. I still havent and am struggling to get it together. I hope you and Reid work out and your parents will be accepting.

mbenz said...

I came to read exactly what you posted. I am still in the closet and struggle every day to keep the world from knowing the truth. Your blog gives me hope.

Kevin said...

Pk is exactly right--This is why I read your blog.

Keep it up. It's always great to see I have more to read.

Jerry said...

Same here. I come to see you blossom into a guy who finally accepts who he is and is empowered by it. To find romance, love that many of us are searching for. You have come such a long way and I hope things continue to just get better.

tyroga said...

Yep, what they said. Following your journey is why I read your blog. To know that a post like this was on the way and to know you'll have more happiness and freedom once the bigger leg of your journey is complete (coming out to the folks)

Been awesome to read so far, so glad you've found love and support around you. We're just along for the ride.

Buddy Bear said...

About eight months ago, I came out to my parents, wife and three teenaged children. I was 48 but had started to notice being attracted to guys when I was about 35.

It was pretty terrifying before coming out, but (other than my wife), everyone was absolutely okay with it. They have been 1000% supportive ever since. Even my wife has come around although it's been very difficult for her as we work our way through our divorce.

My advice is to just tell your parents and family. You can't imagine how great it will feel to have that load off your chest.... to live a life of truth.

best of luck,
Alan

NorcalSam said...

I will add to the chorus here and say that the pics are NOT the reason I check your blog , nor prurient stores. God knows there are plenty of online sources for both of those.

The reason I check is I am a sports fan who isn
't a stereotypical gay guy (I missed a few of those gay genes) who roots for you in the steps you are making in your personal journey and hopes in that process you can help others on their journey as well, providing inspiration. Good luck.

I think you will find 98% of folks more supportive than you could imagine.

Crazeebee747 said...

One day at a time is all I can say. You will see that it will work as it should. So all you can do is be on the ride and go with the flow. All the best. Hug

JustAMike said...

I'll jump on the bandwagon too. I didn't know you posted pics and salacious stories because that's not what I'm looking for here. I just love reading about your journey of discovery. I can absolutely echo Alan's sentiments. It's awesome being free to be whomever you are. I look forward to reading more about your travels through life!

JockBro said...

Glad to hear that you're becoming more comfortable with yourself bro. I wish that more pro athletes would have the same kind of confidence and courage.

Aaron said...

I come to your blog almost daily, not for pics or sex stories but for writings just like this. You seem like an awesome guy and Reid is lucky to have you. I also have a boyfriend (almost 3 years now) all of our friends know and some of my old friends from my hometown. But I haven't told my parents yet...I know exactly what you mean, every time I think of telling my family I get this nauseous feeling in the pit of my stomach accompanied by a wave of anxiety. I'm so afraid. Deep down I know they will always love me but I just don't want to be "that guy". The one that is looked down upon at family dinners, the one that everyone talks quietly behind their back. One day it would be truly great to live life for me, not to live in a constant state of fear. I wish you the best!

♫Musiques Poetry♫ said...

I'm glad that all is working out with you and Reid. I just recently came out to my family. I felt a release. Even if they preach hellfire and damnation to me, I know they still love me regardless.

Not Alone said...

Hey guy. I hope things are well. We have not heard from you lately.

Not Alone said...

Hope things are going well. Havn't heard from you lately.

dan said...

slugger! great to hear it was a great summer. wow that you have that goal before Christmas.. whoah. well keep enjoying the bf thing man. later.

ATC Scott said...

Friends and family that truly love you will feel the same after you come out to them. Those that don't never really cared for you like you thought. You will be amazed at the weight that will be lifted from your shoulders when you decide to live life in the open.

drew said...

I have followed your blog for the last few years. I certainly understand the pressure you are under in a Sports career. I am so happy that you all have come to terms with your relationship. Take it a slow or fast as you all want to take it. You have both deserved it...

cum.lover said...

New follower here. Like the others, I won't be visiting your blog for its libidinous tales~the double entendre confessed to!~or pics of hot dudes, but because I'll be wanting to read about a professional athlete who's gay, well-grounded & so very decent & civilized. Meanwhile, thanks for sharing, & I'm eager for your next entries, including those re your "pre-Reid days" & your actual coming-out to your parents (I'm confident that it will go well).