Thursday, June 30, 2011

"This is my boyfriend Reid"

I uttered those words for the first time to a friend of mine last week. That night, while home alone I sobbed in bed. Part of me was scared to death of what was going to happen after I made that introduction. Part of me was crying to be so happily in love with someone and finally being able to tell someone about it.

A few months ago I told you about Reid, how we met and more recently about how we were just fuck buds. Something happened.

Most gay guys are seeking perfection in a boyfriend. Some just want a hole to fuck and don't mind jumping from guy to guy. A little after I wrote that blog post about how Reid and I were just fuck buddies he wanted to go and grab dinner.

After I got out of work I drove out to his place, picked him up and we went to this place about 30 minutes away. We sat at a table near the bar mostly to watch a game that was on TV. After usual bullshit small talk he looked at me and fell silent.

"I think I'm in love with you." he said.

I didn't know how to respond. I knew that I really liked him. I knew that I enjoyed having sex with him. I knew that I liked being around him any chance I could. I was silent.

Our food came right after he uttered those words. You could cut the tension with the steak knife I had in front of me. Not to let the moment linger I told him that I really liked him too and didn't know how to respond right now to the L-Bomb.

After that I felt like every set of eyes in the place were judging me.

I told him that i wanted to talk to him but did not want to talk about it at the table. We finished up and headed outside to take a walk in a nearby park. It was getting close to dusk and ironically we stopped and sat on a set of bleachers and an empty baseball diamond. I apologized to him about not wanting to talk about "us" at the place and for my reaction to him dropping the L-bomb.

I looked into Reid's eyes and he just unloaded everything that he has wanted to say to me over the last few months. He never wanted to define anything between us because he was scared of how I would react. With our late night meetings and being covert about everything that we were doing he thought that's all I wanted. In the beginning he was fine with it because he thought I was hot and didn't want to ruin what we had.

My emotions got the best of me and everything played out like a movie. He kept talking and I moved up a row to sit directly next to him as he kept talking. At one point he stopped and looked me dead in the eyes. I leaned in and kissed him. In front of an empty baseball field I kissed my new boyfriend and felt those fireworks that everyone talks about when talking about falling in love.

I've had butterflies before and been in lust with a few guys before. This was different.

What started as being fuck buddies has turned into something more. It's turned into something that I could never have even dreamed of.

Yes, I am gushing and it's sort of obnoxious. I hate when friends of mine on Facebook do this.

This takes me to last week when a buddy of mine from college was in town and wanted to grab drinks. Steve is one of the coolest guys you will ever meet. He was a crazy guy when we were in school and in my opinion as liberal as you can get being from South Carolina.

We met at a bar downtown and when I saw Steve he gave me a huge bear hug as only Steve could do. Maybe it's because I had been out with a few gay friends the night before and introduced Reid as my boyfriend. Maybe I subconsciously needed to get it out. I have no idea why I blurted those words out loud to Steve.

It took him a few seconds to process what I had said. He reached out and gave him a big bear hug as well. The rest of the night was like hanging out with Steve back in the day.

At the end of the night as we were leaving Steve pulled me aside and asked me if I was fucking with him and joking around about Reid being a boyfriend. I said no, that we had just started dating after knowing each other for a while and that it felt right and that I was happy.

Being the epic bro that he is Steve said this to me, "Listen, you know me and I'm not that kind of guy that's going to go around and tell people 'guess who loves the cock...' I'm happy for you and want you to know that you are one of my best friends no matter what. I don't know if you want me broadcasting it to the world so I'll let you tell people on your own terms."

I told Reid this when he dropped me off at home. He wanted to stay but I asked him to give me some time alone which he was totally cool with. I wish he had stayed so he could have held me while I sobbed.

The next morning I had a six pack of my favorite summer ale sitting on my doorstep with a card from Reid saying "I'm proud of you"

If things continue to develop the way they are this I think that my parents may be the next to know. I feel like nothing in this world can stop me right now.

63 comments:

rugbysex said...

i'm a 35 y/o lawyer and was also a crazed rugger till i broke my back in a rugby match jan/2010. i'm fine but no more rugby. live in a 100% str8 world. ALL my man sex was nothing more than sport.
last summer while in europe i met a 33 y/o internist who in a drunken haze told me he THOUGHT he was gay. never had any experience w/ a man. in short, we became fuck buddies. best sex i've ever had. but we were just pals. during the christmas/new year holidays things started to change.
for the 1st time in my life i now have a bf! never thought it would happen...an actual relationship. we live 2 hrs. apart. i've never been happier or felt more at peace in my life. i've told two of my rugger pals. they were shocked but very loving in their response. i'm spending more and more time at his place and my friends are wondering what's up. in the next few weeks i'm gonna tell them. whew! never thought i could do that. what gives me the courage to tell them? i have a reason now. i know i want a life w/ this guy. and i'll do anything i need to make that happen.
i'm so very happy for you. life is so short. when you find love...grab it. hold onto it. never let it go. good luck. you'll be in my thoughts and prayers.

cheers!

SpiritMountainGuy said...

I hope you derive a lot of happiness from your relationship with Reid! Congrats!!! We all deserve to be happy in live and have someone special in our lives. I wish both of you well!!! - V

James said...

Dang man congrats !!! awesoem that you have found soemone man, i am a big follower of your blog, an di love it man,, big props,,, i also i have found soemone and we're at our early stage of love also, so i kind of know what your going through braw,,happy for ya

Kelly said...

It is amazing how a fuck buddy can become a boyfriend... Last September I married my fuck buddy in DC... this November will be our 9th year together... Many good wishes to you and Reid! Each step you take out of the closet will bring new and fresh feeling of relief...I look forward to seeing how things progress for you!! Good Luck!!

Paolo De Guia said...

woooowwwww
so happy for u right now
go slugger!

Z said...

Just when I think your story can't get any better Slugger, you do this post. Bravo. You are inspiring people everywhere.

Jeff said...

Congrats. I too fell for someone which prompted me to come out to the people with whom I am close. Once I told one person, so much weight had been lifted off my shoulders that it made it much easier to continue the process. The people who care about you and know you best will be very accepting. Well wishes!

nickdag said...

Wow. Great post & good luck. I imagine all we readers are proud of you, too.

Scott said...

I've been reading your blog for a while now and GOOD FOR YOU !!!

TJ said...

Damn man, I remember being where you are...the first time I told anyone it was my fraternity brother. Like your friend from college, he was and is still cool to this day. Do you feel any weight off your shoulders or has shit made you feel more vulnerable?

TJ said...

Damn man, I remember being where you are...the first time I told anyone it was my fraternity brother. Like your friend from college, he was and is still cool to this day. Do you feel any weight off your shoulders or has shit made you feel more vulnerable?

Neil said...

:-)

Neil said...

:-)

Dan Dunn said...

Wow. I'm so excited for you. Congratulations, on everything.

Adam said...

Wow. I never saw this coming, but as a longtime reader--and fellow closet-dweller--I have to say I'm enormously happy for you and for Reid. It takes a lot of emotional bravery to get where you are. Thanks for sharing. And peace be with both of you.

dsf said...

great news! incredibly happy for you!

madmanMD said...

congrats man..amazing how far you've come.

John D said...

Amazing, great post. So glad things went and are going so well.

JD

John D said...

Amazing post. So glad things are working out so well! Glad you're happy. Breakthroughs are incredible, aren't they?!

JD

Explorer Jack said...

Wow. Cool post.

Steve and Richard said...

We are so very proud of you as well. Yes, this has been difficult for you, but in the long run, we promise you will not regret it. We have been together for 21 years, and only wish we had met each other earlier. Reid sounds like a super guy. Good luck to you both.

Pookie said...

Dammit, now you made me cry. I've been reading your blog almost from the start and I've been following your journey, hoping it would lead you to happiness. I think Reid sounds like a keeper and I think he's just as lucky to have found you.

Thabo said...

This is inspiring! Thanks and good luck!

Thabo said...

This is inspiring...thanks for sharing and I wish you the best of luck!

Stu said...

Congratulations!!!!!
That's wonderful to hear! :-D

socrkid17 said...

dude, thats fuckin awesome! im real jealous that you have something like this and really proud you've come so far. i've followed your blog for a while now and its cool to see how you've changed. congrats man!

Bruce said...

Good for you Slugger!! It only gets better with the more people you are honest with. It will be a fantastic journey for you and Reid.

Crazeebee747 said...

What a sweet story! Just goes to show. When you open and go with what is in front of you, you will be amazed with the result. Well done to you and thanks for sharing. Reminds me that magic is out there if you open to it. Yum!

Craig said...

Congrats! I'm happy for you. :)

gl said...

Congratulations.You deserve the very best.

oceansize77 said...

I follow your blog and as you don't post regularly I check it from time to time... What a great post I found today and I just want you to know that I'm proud of you too! It starts with telling your friends. And when you realize that you have the right friends in your life and you have support, you're ready to give your family the opportunity to be more involved in your life. And I'm very happy for you, finding love! How fitting that it all came together in the bleachers at an empty baseball field...It's most definitely a sign that your time to be free and be in love is now! Congratulations!

Dan said...

Slugger got a boyfriend, Slugger got a boyfriend. :P

Dorian Grey said...

Congrats dude, baby steps. It gets a hell of a lot better.

JUSTIN said...

Double hi-5 dude, this is great news. I wish you both nothing but the best!

Joe said...

Wow. That's awesome, man! Congrats...and from one baseball player to another, I wish you the very best. It's nice to be loved and to love back, isn't it?

1111 said...

Well done, im so proud of you. i have been reading your blog and went ballistic after google took it down.

im sooo happy for you and reid.

good luck
zac

(not from USA)

TxTagbro said...

Congratulations on your new status. Wishing you much happiness.

TxTagbro said...

Congratulations on your new status. Wishing you much happiness as your relationship grows.

the island guy said...

Epic story. I enjoyed reading it and it wasn't too mushy at all. I look forward to reading more :)

BigWoody said...

Wow! Beautiful post Slugger. Those who know and love you will accept what you choose to divulge in order to become a happier person. Gareth Thomas is an athlete I admire and who seems to have become much happier after his revelation. I'm not implying that you are planning to go that far, but confiding in family and close friends is so important in one's life and can be a big step in normalizing your feelings and in growing your relationship. Congratulations.

dsf said...

great post and great news!

dsf said...

great post and great news!

JockBro said...

Wow man, that's awesome... Congratulations on finding happiness in a world that's not always so loving and supportive. I hope it lasts a lifetime for you :)

Steevo said...

Wow-wonderful news!

Enjoy and keep communicating. New young love is wonderful and makes life look very different.

How is it now?

steevo in cali
.
.

BigWoody said...

Ok G., don't post this one... but I think I noticed a very clever and funny inside joke/hint of your identity. The fake name that you chose for your boyfriend Rei_ _ _d. If you are who I have imagined for some time now, I admire your handsomeness and beautiful dreamy eyes. I want to buy and wear your jersey with pride but don't want to shell out the bucks until I am sure, lol. So, I will patiently wait... even if it takes ten years for you to come out, I'll find an old jersey on ebay and wear it often. Stay healthy and you will lock up that spot on the starting rotation. Oh, does Reid know about your blog? :)
Your fan,
BigWoody

Dave said...

Congratulations! Look, I'm old enough to be your dad, but the dynamics have never changed. When you meet the right guy it may last a few years or a lifetime.

For me it took the the other guy to say the "L word", I was too invested in my "butchness" and frankly scared, and then I just broke down and cried. That man - who I am very happily married to today (we live in MA) after 34 years, is the rock of my life. I wish the same for you and good sex!

Dave said...

Damn - not sure if my comment got saved. But here's the substance: Congratulations! Your new man may last a few years or maybe a lifetime! I'm old enough to be your dad, but the dynamics have never changed.

I was very invested in my "butchness", and hiding my interest in guys. It took the other guy to say the "L word", and when he did I just broke down and cried. Best thing that ever happened to me. Today, 34 years later, we are very happily married (we live in MA) and he is the rock of my life.

I wish the same happiness and hotness for you.

Dave said...

One more comment: you obviously have REAL friends. When I came out to my friends - all straight - and introduced my boyfriend, I only lost one friend who is now hyper religious. Actually, I think it's his wife who is hyper religious. My other buddies told him he was crazy to cut off a long-standing friend for no good reason, but he did. Two of these guys who are still friends I've know since we were 8 years old in Cub Scouts, and the other since 9th grade. I'm a lucky guy, and I'm guessing you are too.

Mikey @ 3rd Base said...

Wow huge moment in life dude! They certainly are not a dime-a-dozen... it's scary as old hell but it is as close to alive as you will ever get.

I'm proud of you too, for what it's worth.

NorcalSam said...

very cool story. Glad your friend Steve was supportive and hope you feel the strength to keep going.

pckthooks133 said...

I'm a huge Cardinals fan and the night Pujols came back from his most recent DL stint, Al Hrabosky, the color guy for FS Midwest, said, "The story of Albert's career is becoming quite an epic."

This is exactly how I feel about you, Slugger, and your personal journey that you have shared with the world via this blog. I'm 25 and I've been out of the closet for over 5 years now. I like to think I've seen it all in terms of friends of mine coming out to me, but you continue to surprise and impress me. I couldn't be happier for you and Reid, and I hope you know we're all cheering for you guys from the cheap seats.

All the best,
~Matt T. in IL

P.S. Please keep writing!!

virtualjustin said...

Way to go! You sound really happy; you deserve to be and your excitement really shined through. It took a lot of courage but you did it. I don't know you in real life but I'm really proud of you. I hope that things work out between you and Reid.

virtualjustin said...

Way to go! You sound really happy; you deserve to be and your excitement really shined through. It took a lot of courage but you did it. I don't know you in real life but I'm really proud of you. I hope that things work out between you and Reid.

Michael said...

Beautiful! I've been reading your blog from the beginning. I'm a former student-athlete both high school and college and I fell in love with your blog from the very first entry. From this entry I can tell that you are reaching a point where you can have peace about your sexuality. It's something that you will get to on your own and it's priceless. Having someone to share that with is icing on the cake. Again this last entry was Beautiful!

Jackson Yee said...

Yeah!

Looking forward for your blog, if u really tell ur parents about it!

Cheers

ddices said...

Yeah I did the same thing with the closet dude that I liked in a park on a bench at midnight. We made out on in the park. We are not tog. ether anymore because i don't know if he could deal with liking dudes. Also am still a closeted athlete. happy for you, its a great time. I was close to coming out too until we broke apart

Jason_M said...

This is just great! So glad for you!

JustAMike said...

Great story Slugger . . . very happy for you. I was married to a woman for almost 20 years but I never actually knew love until I met my BF. In a short period of time we've gone from in the closet to "This is my boyfriend Bill". No one seems to bat an eye and I've never been happier! Your friend Steve needs to be congratulated too for his openmindedness and devotion to you as a friend. He's gold! All the best. Mike

John B said...

Congrats man, I'm so happy for you and Reid. Hope things continue on the upswing they seem to be on for you. There seems to be a more positive note to your writing and I love the sex details.

P.S. I think I annoyed last time I hit you up on AIM, sorry again and glad you're doing so well.

Michael Valentine said...

Hey man. Great blog.

Please check mine out. It's new and still in its infancy.

www.geneticsinner.blogspot.com

Jack Scott said...

Hey Slugger, nice post. I just think everyone should have a shot at what will truly make them happy.

It seemed like reading your post maybe you were on the road to that, but that was June and this is the last of August and nothing further from you.

What's going on?

Jack Scott

Grand said...

congrats bud. ive been reading a long time and comment here and there but never really interacted with you. similar situation and im happy for you. kinda in a difficult situation myself and dont know where it'll lead me but i sure hope my story ends up like yours one day

cum.lover said...

There's absolutely nothing wrong with gushing! Get over it! It's part of being gay, or alternative, so gush on, dude, & welcome!