I uttered those words for the first time to a friend of mine last week. That night, while home alone I sobbed in bed. Part of me was scared to death of what was going to happen after I made that introduction. Part of me was crying to be so happily in love with someone and finally being able to tell someone about it.
A few months ago I told you about Reid, how we met and more recently about how we were just fuck buds. Something happened.
Most gay guys are seeking perfection in a boyfriend. Some just want a hole to fuck and don't mind jumping from guy to guy. A little after I wrote that blog post about how Reid and I were just fuck buddies he wanted to go and grab dinner.
After I got out of work I drove out to his place, picked him up and we went to this place about 30 minutes away. We sat at a table near the bar mostly to watch a game that was on TV. After usual bullshit small talk he looked at me and fell silent.
"I think I'm in love with you." he said.
I didn't know how to respond. I knew that I really liked him. I knew that I enjoyed having sex with him. I knew that I liked being around him any chance I could. I was silent.
Our food came right after he uttered those words. You could cut the tension with the steak knife I had in front of me. Not to let the moment linger I told him that I really liked him too and didn't know how to respond right now to the L-Bomb.
After that I felt like every set of eyes in the place were judging me.
I told him that i wanted to talk to him but did not want to talk about it at the table. We finished up and headed outside to take a walk in a nearby park. It was getting close to dusk and ironically we stopped and sat on a set of bleachers and an empty baseball diamond. I apologized to him about not wanting to talk about "us" at the place and for my reaction to him dropping the L-bomb.
I looked into Reid's eyes and he just unloaded everything that he has wanted to say to me over the last few months. He never wanted to define anything between us because he was scared of how I would react. With our late night meetings and being covert about everything that we were doing he thought that's all I wanted. In the beginning he was fine with it because he thought I was hot and didn't want to ruin what we had.
My emotions got the best of me and everything played out like a movie. He kept talking and I moved up a row to sit directly next to him as he kept talking. At one point he stopped and looked me dead in the eyes. I leaned in and kissed him. In front of an empty baseball field I kissed my new boyfriend and felt those fireworks that everyone talks about when talking about falling in love.
I've had butterflies before and been in lust with a few guys before. This was different.
What started as being fuck buddies has turned into something more. It's turned into something that I could never have even dreamed of.
Yes, I am gushing and it's sort of obnoxious. I hate when friends of mine on Facebook do this.
This takes me to last week when a buddy of mine from college was in town and wanted to grab drinks. Steve is one of the coolest guys you will ever meet. He was a crazy guy when we were in school and in my opinion as liberal as you can get being from South Carolina.
We met at a bar downtown and when I saw Steve he gave me a huge bear hug as only Steve could do. Maybe it's because I had been out with a few gay friends the night before and introduced Reid as my boyfriend. Maybe I subconsciously needed to get it out. I have no idea why I blurted those words out loud to Steve.
It took him a few seconds to process what I had said. He reached out and gave him a big bear hug as well. The rest of the night was like hanging out with Steve back in the day.
At the end of the night as we were leaving Steve pulled me aside and asked me if I was fucking with him and joking around about Reid being a boyfriend. I said no, that we had just started dating after knowing each other for a while and that it felt right and that I was happy.
Being the epic bro that he is Steve said this to me, "Listen, you know me and I'm not that kind of guy that's going to go around and tell people 'guess who loves the cock...' I'm happy for you and want you to know that you are one of my best friends no matter what. I don't know if you want me broadcasting it to the world so I'll let you tell people on your own terms."
I told Reid this when he dropped me off at home. He wanted to stay but I asked him to give me some time alone which he was totally cool with. I wish he had stayed so he could have held me while I sobbed.
The next morning I had a six pack of my favorite summer ale sitting on my doorstep with a card from Reid saying "I'm proud of you"
If things continue to develop the way they are this I think that my parents may be the next to know. I feel like nothing in this world can stop me right now.