We have been living a part from each other for the last few months and it's been tough. There are two sides to every story and this is mine.
As I said, Ryan (not Joe... fuckers... sorry for the mental slip) and I have been living a part for the last few months. It was rough for both of us. More on me mentally because I realized that I really couldn't always be me. There was me when I was with Ryan and 'baseball me'. That really started to get to him.
In March I hadn't seen him in a while and I went to see him. When I got to his place he was acting really weird. That was the first sign that I knew something was wrong. His phone calls had been brief and he just wasn't the same.
Later on that night I asked him if he had been messing around with someone else. He said no and immediately got up to go to the bathroom. When he came back he told me that he hated not seeing me. He had been out one night and met a guy. They hit it off and ended up sleeping with each other.
I'm furious at this point because I have been faithful to him. I really wanted the night to just end. I know couples go through this every day but I never thought it would be me.
That night turned into another and into another. He didn't know how to tell me because he liked me as well but "needed the physical attention"
I tried to take the pain and frustration and anger out on the field but that failed miserably. I went into one of the worst slumps I have ever had.
I'm not exactly over it. It has taken me a while to post this blog post because of how crazy, bat shit in love I was with this guy. I'm single and for now I am keeping it that way.
Who knows what is next down the road... I am looking forward to a rebound fuck in the next week or so. I am on the road so I am sure it will be a good one.
30 comments:
Sorry to hear that. Hope things look up for you soon.
Sorry to hear about that. It is tough having to live in the closet in the public eye (been down that road as i was an on-air reporter for a TV station)... but i have gone through the same thing you are going through...having to let some good potential love go because of professional life... it is probably best that you just have fun on the side while travelling and not try the relationship thing until you can be in a place where it is comfortable or you come out. i am not saying jump out the closet, but just don't put yourself in a realtionship situation until you are ready to deal with it in the public eye (or find the guy who is willing to deal with it, and be upfront with him at that point)... okay... i probably said too much, but i hope you get out of your slump on the field and have some fun off the field... hang in there and shoot me an email if you have any questions or just want to vent... i actually know where you are coming from... good luck!!
sorry to hear the news. I am sure it was very tough. Time does seem to heal all. just hang in there and you will heal. good luck with your career.
Real sorry to hear that, Slugger. I hope things pick up for you again soon.
As "auntie" sez sometimes life is a shit sandwich and you gotta take your bite.
Sorry this happened, I really am. I can't imagine being either of you!
Someday maybe guys in your "shoes" won't hafta be in th damn closet.
My fav fantasy is for some hot young phenom to take th game by storm, take a loser team to a WS win and then when he gets Best Player of The WS award steps up and thanks everyone and then says, "... and finally I'd like to thank my bf, _________, for being there for me and helping me to get here today."
I can wish...
steevo in cali
...or maybe the Heisman Trophy winner?
Sucks man...I'm sure you'll turn it around and land on your feet. Take it easy.
I'm so sorry this happened. :( I was really rooting for you two. But I'm hoping that posting about this means that you're doing ok. Keep us posted.
Sorry to hear that. Chin up and look forward to whatever is coming your way
j
Sorry to hear this...but like many have sad before....there are way more fish in the sea.
I'm so sorry. I hope things get better for you.
Rise up out of the slump. Embrace the game you love. Never give more to someone than they're willing to give. Ryan's lost the best thing possible in his life...you!
Hang in there bro . . .
pulling for you man, keep your head up, and let the game pull you through. keep writing, this place is a good outlet for all you're feeling, and you know we're all here for you if you need a shoulder.
Does this mean you might give us(me) another chance?
Oh and who did not see this coming
Really sorry to hear it, man. Hope your game picks up again and you can get back on an even keel. It's never easy, but it's harder when you can't let those around you know about it directly.
i feel for you buddy :(
take care and I hope you start batting .400 (or pitching 18Ks)
-MichaelinLBC
dude, you are truly awesome for staying faithful, you can and have it in you to be faithful and that is HUGE. you definitely deserve a most excellent rebound fuck, and knowing you that won't be hard to find at all. ha
hang in there, hope things go better on the field and you notice some choices for the next real thing soon.
Sorry to hear the terrible news about you and Ryan. It will take some time for you to get over the hurt and the betrayal of someone whom you had to hide in the closet with you and only take out when it was conveniant and no fear of being outed. He should have been able to handle all the times you were away from him and never being able to let others know about what a great guy he was and how much you missed him. In all honestly you should not be dating anyone, for it is unfair to put anyone through what it is you do. Stop looking for the relationships for now until you are able an willing to be free and state to your friends and family what you are. In the meantime go get your fuck on and swing that bat!
Sorry to hear that man. Who knows, maybe there's a chance your paths will cross again. Long distance relationships must be tough, especially when they're closeted. Hope you find love again soon.
Well that sucks. As a college ballplayer I see what your dealing with some. We played (our season ended last week in conference tournament) 4 or 5 games a week rather then 6 or 7 and the travel is different and our season is way shorter.
But its a grind even with things like the road roomy and secrets and different desires and all the talk of pussy which gets old.
Sorry it didnt work out. Sounded like you had best of both worlds for awhile. Take care. You need a slump buster fuck alright.
-Randy
Just be carefull
Hey man,
I totally understand where you're coming from. I was with my bf whom i'd loved and cared for while we were together. Lets just put it this way, i woke up one morning to find him in bed with another guy in my own house. this just happened a few months ago and i went into a slump since then. he was my prince and i meant nothing to him. to joey-i will always love you but you're the biggest whore that will never have a chance with me again....
Did you have a boyfriend in college?
I watched you and our baseball team win the National Championship.
It was rumored in BR that you were gay.
I had a crush on you.
Good Luck!!!!
If your looking for a monogamous relationship with another guy forget it! I firmly believe it's just not posible. As soon as I came to realize this later in life I was a lot more comfortable with myself and other guys I got involved with.
Sorry to read this entry. It is extremely difficult to break up with someone you feel deeply about. As you state there are two sides to every story but you should not beat yourself up about being where you are in your life. It sounds like you two are at different places. Your career compounds it I am sure.
Stay strong!
Typical jock. Use another human being for a 'rebound fuck.' Men are pathetic but gay men are the worst: cheaters, users, discontent, superficial, etc. This is why I have nothing to do with other gay people.
Sorry to know you guys have broken up! I don't always frequent your blog but when I do, I usually just look at posts that talk about Ryan and how sweet both of you were.
You deserve better! Really really! I'm sure you will be able to find someone else! Someone better!
What doesn't kill you just makes you stronger!
Be happy, always! Really mean it!
Sorry to hear about it man.. that sucks. I imagine that long distance relationships are really tough for some people to handle...
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