Thursday, March 06, 2008

My Situation

Writing has become a crack for me. Last night I took it easy and was watching TV with a few buddies while chatting online. It was fun. I am what they call a Non Roster Invitee to one of the Major League clubs. For the most part, it's an audition to make a roster of the big league team. If not, I head back down into the farm system and keep working hard to get noticed and work my way up.

I'm working hard and so far have had some great feedback on my play. The guys I have met, that I have not met before are hot. In one of those nice e-mails, someone asked me how I am able to not get hard. That's easy... practice.

I think I have talked about it before... I have grown up in a locker room enviroment. The first time I had to shower in front of other guys we were all terrified. This was back in 8th grade while playing on a travel team. We were using a high school locker room to change and since we were not heading back to a hotel and heading home, I wanted to shower.

As the years go on you get to know the guys you shower with. They are your friends. Everyone takes a peek. For those who have played sports in high school, college and professionaly there is always a different comfort level in there. Almost always there is the guy with the big dick, who hows it off, guys laugh the way he can spin it around like a propeller. The hairy guy that looks like he is wearing a hair suit. Ect, Ect.

That post last night felt good to get off my chest. None of you know me. There is one person that reads the blog that knows me. I have met some awesome guys to chat with, swap stories with and some I have even had cyber crushes on. No big deal. The assholes got to me. I hope I don't have to blow up again.

A lot of you like the pictures that I post on the site. The pictures I post are sent to me by guys like you reading or I am able to find them when I have the time to look, while I am alone. I try not to download them because I obviously don't need gay porn to be found on my laptop.

So last night, someone IMed me and asked me about the Wrestlers i had posted a while ago. Much like those football players, they were a big hit. These guys are what I am attracted to and when I am looking for. They do exsist because Ryan looks like these guys.


mikeinbama said...

Your blog should be a place where you can release your thoughts, without judgement. Don't let anyone censor you and what have to say. I played football throughout high school and college. I understand where you're coming from. I think you're helping a lot of guys by being honest about what is going on in your life. I know you're busy with spring training, but I hope you're making the most out of your opportunity.

Good Luck to you and keep posting.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for sharing your reality. People who judge
have sad and lonely lives. Keep up the hard work
and make a teams roster!!

Volker said...

Do what you feel is right for you. You know best your own circumstances and prospects.

Great bunch of guys in the pics. Looks like they're comfortable in their own skins, with each other and just having a good time!

Dick Pics said...

so i hope you dont blow up at me, though i did find it kinda sexy, but you said you'd sleep with girls if you were in a situation where you had to, but do you think you would sleep with other guys or are you exclusive with ryan as far as that goes?

Anonymous said...

You know, I've been thinking about what you've been saying the past 3 posts, and I honestly think the people who posted what they posted didn't mean it in a manner that you thought it meant.

Especially those two whom you quoted - they could easily be taken to mean different things, seeing that tone is often lost over the internet.

I can perfectly understand why you would need to sleep with a woman, and if I had to to do it to save my life, I probably would too. But I would still think vajayjays are yucky. Maybe that's what the person meant about the repulsed part. Cause the first poster's question was really vague and could be interpreted in anyway.

That said, I think every (most?) of us would want you to be happy in whatever you do, whether it aligns with our principles or not. I personally don't agree with it, but hey, it's your life. And like I posted before, go forth and fornicate if you must, but please please please don't hurt the people around you.

But you already know that now don't you?

(p.s. I wanna get me one of them Ryans too)

Anonymous said...


I went back and read the comments, but I really did not get the same message that you got. I did not see too many comments really suggesting that you MUST come out, as you seem to think!

However, I think you should understand that more gay people than you might realize, can understand your situation. Your not the first gay athlete to lead a double life. Not to mention, many people in many professions have to conceal their sexuality, hell some have even married women and had children.

I think the point of most of the previous comments that made you angry really were just pointing out that there are consequences for our decisions and actions in life. Just because some reader points that out to you, doesn’t make them an asshole.

About Ryan, I was surprised to read that you spend the night at the frat house sometimes. If you hang out there too much some of the frat boys will figure out that there is something extra between you and Ryan, if they have not already. It is harder to hide a relationship than you might think, from a bunch of guys who really know one another well. Might be safer to have Ryan at your place for overnight fun.

Good luck with baseball and your love life, I realize you have to walk a fine line.

GomezPatchouly said...

I forgot to mention how much I enjoy reading your blog. You are an inspiration to so many. Just be sure and let us be the first to know when you do decide to come out. No hurry. We can wait.

Califorlife said...

I am almost disappointed that i have only now found this blog. i feel like had i two years ago, it would have helped me get through a lot of things. if nothing else, though, i can look forward to having some 100+ posts to read.

you are the one to thank (or blame, we shall see) for sparking my interest in blogging as a fulfilling outlet. i commend you for your work, and hope for more updates to come.//

Anonymous said...

So which guy who reads this blog actually knows you? Can he verify the authenticity of this blog? It would help if your writing didn't sound like some dudes wet dream.

Satin said...

Good words.