Wednesday, March 05, 2008

FUCK (some of) YOU

I get angry when I read some of the comments about my lifestyle. I understand it and many people have e-mailed me and told me that they feel sorry for me that I have to "live a lie" to make money. That I should just "come out" and be a pioneer.

None of you have any idea what I go through everyday of my life. Some wonder why I don't post a lot on the blog anymore. I am busy, for one. But another reason are the crazies out there that have come out the past few posts to tell me that I am a mess.

Fuck You.

anonymous said: Dear Ask Slugger,You said, "He also knows that if I am in a position where I might have sex with a woman I will do so. I keep up the act in front of the team mates." My question to you is... how do YOU feel about this?

To which, another anonymous said: Repulsed, obviously. I'd feel the same.

I came off the wrong way on the blog about this situation I am in. The second anonymous commenter there has it on the dot. I was very truthful with him with what happens during spring training and he knows that if I NEED to do this that I will. I wanted to be up front about it to him. I don't WANT to do it. Almost none of you will ever be in a situation close to where I am right now.

Ryan is also still in the closet and not in a place to be coming out. If I could classify him right now, he is a really close fuck bud. We have a connection beyond that but right now, if I needed to define he and I… that is how I would define him.

He is in college… getting ready to graduate. A former president of his frat still living in his frat house. It’s complicated. I can’t be out and open like most of you. I just can’t. There are those that understand and those who do not understand.

I have blown up at guys before who just don’t get it and don’t understand. I almost stopped updating the blog because of them. I let them get to me. Now, I don’t care. I am who I am. I do what I have to do in order to keep mysecret, keep playing baseball and try to find someone to fill my sexual need.

To answer another question about linking to JP's blog when talking about bottoming. JP and I have a relationship that goes WAY back. I should have asked him about sharing that first. I will let him tell the story or if he does not want to, I will fill you all in.

19 comments:

jayd said...

I admire you .Your blog post is very fascinating

Swim Coach said...

Like jayd said, Your blog is fascinating. Nothing but support coming from this reader.

Life is full of tough decisions ... all the time. And right now, you are doing the best that you can, and making the best decisions for you that you can. That in itself is incredible. The addition of finding someone to share a part of your life with, who is completely understanding ... is even more incredible.

Keep writing and sharing. Your journey is worth it.

Beachwriter said...

Slugger -
I agree with the comments so far. You are in a unique situation, and you have to deal with what's on your plate, not everyone else's. As someone once said, 'Don't let the bastards get you down!' Keep up the good work and keep posting - you have a lot of supporters out here. Best to you and to Ryan!

Anonymous said...

Slugger --

Unique situation or not (I think we all have unique situations of our own), you don't have to answer to anyone. Choosing when or if to come out is a very personal choice, and I also extend a hearty FUCK YOU to anyone who thinks they can tell you when and how you should.

While not a baseball player, my career limits how much of my personal life I can share, so I can sympathize with your situation.

In any case, it's your life, and no one has the right to make you feel obligated to tell anyone anything you don't want to.

Good luck at Spring Training!

mikeinbama said...

Stop responding to the negative commentators. You don't have to live your life through others eyes. There will always be people who will judge based on their own experience and feel you should follow the same path.

YOU ARE NOT DEFINED BY YOUR SEXUALITY.

You're young, athletic, handsome and intelligent, live your life they way you see fit without hesitation.

Good Luck during spring training.

STAY FOCUSED ON YOUR GOALS!

footballplaya said...

Hey Slugger!
AMEN to all of the above comments. I too was pissed at those assholes who responded last month trying to tell you what to do. Congrats on saying FU to 'em! I totally agree with Mikein bama. You don't owe anybody an explanation. Those of us closeted athletes (like myself) really appreciate this blog. Thanks for sharing the journey with us. It has helped me alot. As a college fb player, life in the closet (locker room) can be hell but a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.

Keep slugging bro!

Anonymous said...

Hey Guy, I agree with the others. I always say if your not in the situation you should'nt comment. Especially on a subject like this.
Take your time and do what you know if best for you (-:

Devil's Advocate said...

More of the same. I'm glad you're getting support for your position...so to speak. Take Care.

Anonymous said...

More support from here too. Keep up with the blog, I'm one of many that enjoy reading it. I feel like I can understand the situation you're in, as I feel a similar situation in my professional life and not being able to let others know my secrets. You gotta do what's right for you.

I'm going to some spring training games in the coming weeks here in Florida. Maybe I'll "see" you without even knowing it! Good luck!

- Mike

closet said...

Hey Slugger,
Like you, I'm in a similar boat. It's not easy. Who would PICK this? But during the day when I'm doing what I'm doing, being who I am, it's easy. I do worry a little about the repercussions of the double life, I've battled some depression. So I commend you on living your life your way, and exploring your sexuality when you can when you see fit on your terms. Last I checked, it's a free country! Take care and have a great season.

SXJ said...

I've been reading you blog silently for a while this is my first comment. You know what you are right in asking them to fuck off. I too live a "lie" and nobody else has the right to critique that.

BTW that fuck you I wldn't mind ;)

GomezPatchouly said...

Living a lie is hardly how I would define what you are doing. Your teammates are not your mom and dad. If you have to do what you have to do to keep them seeing you the way they want to see you, then you do what you have to do. I'm sure most of us have had to do that at one time or another. Baseball is a game like any other. You have to play by the rules. Some of these don't make any sense, but they are rules just the same. You know who you really are and that's all that matters. Be well and keep your eye on the ball.

irishguynj said...

Activism takes all forms. Not just protests in the streets.
keep doing your work and don't worry about what some angry gay men think about you. Some homosexuals think that the only way to be gay is out and in your face. Some activists do their work by just living their lives quietly. there is a time and a place for all types. Isn't that what gay activists want for themselves??

Lovesick Billy said...

If you want a good blog, answer the easy questions.
If you want a great blog, answer the hard questions.

Your space is your space, your timeline is your own, but to tell your readers 'FUCK YOU' or even (FUCK some of YOU) because they pose hard questions is just plain bullshit. If everyone knew they’d knock the ball out of the park every single time they got up to bat, how long do you think baseball would exist? The first dozen might be fun, but after that, with no challenge, the game would be pretty boring and the fans would stay home.

It's a little arrogant to say that none of your readers can understand your situation, and that feeling is EXACTLY what so many of us understand... the fear of not being understood. Plus, you’re cheating yourself out of the wisdom that some of us who have made it through have to offer. No, we might not be in baseball, but we're actors, directors, doctors, teachers, married men, cops, politicians, and on and on, and all of us with something valuable at stake until the world changes, so give us a little credit.

None of US can make you change how you reconcile your life and your sexuality, of course, so it doesn't really matter if people criticize or pressure you. BUT, you publish a blog to be (somewhat anonymously) public about a sensitive, private matter, or else we wouldn't be reading you. So, since you opened the ballpark, it's on you to entertain the fans and swing at all the pitches, not just the easy ones.

Players who take their fans for granted are soon greeted by empty bleachers. You play ball, so you know you have to earn your fans' respect and affection every single time you pick up the bat.

I freaking love your blog, and you should know this because I keep visiting and "Asking Slugger" questions that he never answers, but I keep asking. And like a lot of us, I DO know something about being in a high-profile situation like yours, so save your rage for the S.O.B.s who keep you in the closet. Keep earning my respect, Slugger, and you'll have a fan for life.

Fondly and sincerely,
Bronson

keith said...

Just ignore those guys. I know it must be tough. Everybody seems to forget that we were all in the closet at some point or other. I like your blog. As a masculine, athletic guy who spends most of his day in West Hollywood where you're abnormal if you're NOT gay, it's fascinating to see into your lifestyle.

Keep it up. Thanks, Keith

Anonymous said...

Dont worry about it,

I live life a total lie, sometimes people don't have a choice. And I don't have a choice either. Keep up the good work. I love your blog and I'm going to link you on my page

murrells said...

it's a journey.
you're on the right track.
it's not easy.

but lying and knowing the truth when the words come out of your mouth is a torture that i will NEVER return to.

can't imagine the place you
're in.

but i wish you courage and integrity... and i wish you the best sex you will ever have ;)

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