I get angry when I read some of the comments about my lifestyle. I understand it and many people have e-mailed me and told me that they feel sorry for me that I have to "live a lie" to make money. That I should just "come out" and be a pioneer.
None of you have any idea what I go through everyday of my life. Some wonder why I don't post a lot on the blog anymore. I am busy, for one. But another reason are the crazies out there that have come out the past few posts to tell me that I am a mess.
anonymous said: Dear Ask Slugger,You said, "He also knows that if I am in a position where I might have sex with a woman I will do so. I keep up the act in front of the team mates." My question to you is... how do YOU feel about this?
To which, another anonymous said: Repulsed, obviously. I'd feel the same.
I came off the wrong way on the blog about this situation I am in. The second anonymous commenter there has it on the dot. I was very truthful with him with what happens during spring training and he knows that if I NEED to do this that I will. I wanted to be up front about it to him. I don't WANT to do it. Almost none of you will ever be in a situation close to where I am right now.
Ryan is also still in the closet and not in a place to be coming out. If I could classify him right now, he is a really close fuck bud. We have a connection beyond that but right now, if I needed to define he and I… that is how I would define him.
He is in college… getting ready to graduate. A former president of his frat still living in his frat house. It’s complicated. I can’t be out and open like most of you. I just can’t. There are those that understand and those who do not understand.
I have blown up at guys before who just don’t get it and don’t understand. I almost stopped updating the blog because of them. I let them get to me. Now, I don’t care. I am who I am. I do what I have to do in order to keep mysecret, keep playing baseball and try to find someone to fill my sexual need.
To answer another question about linking to JP's blog when talking about bottoming. JP and I have a relationship that goes WAY back. I should have asked him about sharing that first. I will let him tell the story or if he does not want to, I will fill you all in.