Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Ryan and the season

I am one tired motherfucker! My ass hurts... from a lot of weight lifting guys...

I did get a fun Ask Slugger Question:

Your descriptions of sex always seem to indicate that you’re a top. Have you ever bottomed, if yes do you like it? If not would you?

I have been the "bottom" on a few occasions. One of them is pretty well known in the blog world. Most of the time when it comes to sex I am the Top. It takes a special guy for me to put my ass out on the line and let it get plowed. I will tell you that there is a small group (counted on one hand) that have had the pleasure.

Moving on. Ryan and I have blossomed into a full on relationship that hit the rocks once I started working out at a Spring Training camp. For those hardcore baseball guys out there... I am working at one of the MLB team camps right now. I sit in a hotel room, by myself, late at night posting to my gay blog knowing that I have to get up early in the morning.

A few weeks ago I told Ryan about who I really was and what I do. He was excited and told me how he is a baseball fan, played in high school. Ryan and I have this trust for eachother. It's very strange. I haven't really felt like this in a long time and being older and more cautious makes me very happy.

I am still nervous and am constantly watching my back. Ryan has very cute friends that I have hung out with on a few occasions. I have stayed over at the frat house after parties, stayed in his room, with the door securly locked and make sure we do not make a lot of noise.

Most of our sleepovers are at my place about a half hour away from his frat house. We order in food, or cook steaks on the grill outside. He's a guy. I love that about him. We watched the SuperBowl together (Happy Birthday JP and GOOOO GIANTS!) have been watching the local hockey team on TV as well as some college hoops. His school has a D1 team so I have sat in the student section with him and his frat bros and watched games. It's everything I could want right now and it's, so far knock on wood, not out in the open.

As far as camp is going it's really rough. I have not seen Ryan at all that much and know that this will take a toll on me for a little bit. We have text messages and IM conversations everyday. He also knows that if I am in a position where I might have sex with a woman I will do so. I keep up the act in front of the team mates.

I am doing great... working my ass off and getting by. Shoot me your questions for some more ask slugger.

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

Dear Ask Slugger,

You said, "He also knows that if I am in a position where I might have sex with a woman I will do so. I keep up the act in front of the team mates." My question to you is... how do YOU feel about this?

Anonymous said...

Repulsed, obviously. I'd feel the same.

Anonymous said...

Slugger,

When you mentioned that your “bottom” story was well known, you provided a link to JP’s site. Are you saying that JP wrote about your experience or was that link a mistake?

Lovesick Billy said...

'Sup Slugger,
I'm a big fan of your blog – you've been linked for a while – and I'm a fair weather baseball fan (Dodgers, you know?). Here's a question:

So let's say you're totally in love with Ryan, and he is with you, which may already be the case. So, how will you reconcile having meaningless sex with women at that point – essentially cheating on him and using the woman – and all for the sake of propping up a secret identity?

I'm totally not running you down, or trying to put you in a corner... I've just been there myself, and it was tough.

Best,
Bronson a.k.a. "Lovesick Billy"

P.S. I'd love to do an anonymous interview with you for the site. Say the word.

Anonymous said...

Ask Slugger,

How would you feel if Ryan said to you, “You know Slugger I realize that you can never be out, I realize that you can never provide me with the exact kind of relationship I want. However, for now I am going to continue to enjoy spending time with you, but on the side I am going to go out and see what else is on the market, perhaps a better partner, perhaps a better relationship. To do this I will have to occasionally sleep with other people, but ya know it is what it is, OK?”

How did you feel when Joe was dating other people? Even though you knew it had to end that way, didn’t it hurt at least a little?

Just for the record, I have seen my share of open relationships, but I have never seen one that really worked! I guarantee you that the moment you told Ryan you may be sleeping with other people; he felt like shit on the inside, whether he let on or not.

Just remember, love is not easy to find, and it is never unconditional, you can push anyone away eventually. How much someone loves you is ultimately a function of how you treat them.

Kindness to your partner is the best predictor of a long lasting relationship. Sometimes those brutal honesty confessions are simply self serving, meaning it might make you feel better, but make your partner feel like shit, what good is that? If you think there are situations where you must sleep with a woman (which I doubt is the only option) then consider keeping it to yourself.

Anonymous said...

Sometimes it's not the same thing as jealousy for a woman as opposed to a man. I'm sure Ryan would understand. Stay safe, slugger!

Joel Kang said...

It's your life, and it's up to you how you want to live it, and I totally understand why you would not want to come out.

But dude, no one's forcing you to fall into some chick's vagina. You'll be cheating both the girl and Ryan, and that's simply not cool, no matter how you try to justify it.

Other than that, update more often!

Dick Pics said...

glad you're posting again. i missed your posts. please tell me it wont be another month before you post again.

dan said...

for all we know, the frat closet dude might like the fact he's with a guy who sleeps with girls also. not like he's sleeping with other guys. so that is cool if it's cool with them, you never know with the frat guy being also closeted how he feels about it only the two of them can really know. either way, hope it all works out, keep up the training, and keep up with whatever works for you both, and with hanging out with all the cute frat boys. gee whiz!
later

dan said...

for all we know, the frat closet dude might like the fact he's with a guy who sleeps with girls also. not like he's sleeping with other guys. so that is cool if it's cool with them, you never know with the frat guy being also closeted how he feels about it only the two of them can really know. either way, hope it all works out, keep up the training, and keep up with whatever works for you both, and with hanging out with all the cute frat boys. gee whiz!
later