Friday, May 26, 2006

High School

I really wanted to make a post about high school. I recently sent an email to someone about it and out of my sheer laziness today I am just copying and pasting it here. Feel free to share your own stories by emailing me.

It all started back in high school. It was a very big time in my life. I was very active playing both baseball and football. I knew back in middle school that I was attracted to guys. My parents had bought me a computer when I was in 7 th grade and was on AOL looking at USNET forums and other webpages at pornography.

In 8th grade a guy I played baseball with was also in my gym class. We had to change for a swimming class we were having during that period. Everyone was nervous about changing in front of each other but lets call him Gregg was not. Gregg was tall for 8 th grade. He was attractive with blonde hair and eyes. He kept his great shape and build by skateboarding and playing football with me during the fall. I noticed as Gregg was changing that he had developed more than a lot of the other guys. I had looked and kept a running memory of what the other guys in my class looked like. Gregg had noticed that I was looking.

After one swimming class Gregg was using a shower stall across from mine. He had left his a little open so I could see in. He confronted me after class about watching him, which I had denied. But he said that he had been watching me as well. That night after baseball practice he invited me over to his house. My father thought it was ok so I spent the night. Gregg and I had a LOT of fun that night and it continued all the way to Sophomore year of high school.

We would play baseball and football together our freshmen year. It was a great time. I think of him as my first boyfriend without giving ourselves the title. I would stay over his house for an entire weekend. We would go, play ball in the park near his house, horseplay in his pool and then mess around with each other. In the middle of my freshmen year I lost my virginity to Gregg. We were each others firsts. We even had the talk about if this made us gay. Of course we were not gay we would say.

Sophomore year, things changed. Gregg quit football. We were in the same gym class for the first time since middle school. I had been injured during our first game and would spend my gym class in the whirl pool. Our teacher was our coach so he had assigned Gregg to be the person to look after me in the whirl pool. He wouldn't even look at me while we were in there. He told me that he was quitting and did not want to talk to me ever again. No explanation at all. Just told me he did not want to see me. He walked out. My world crashed down around me. I had no clue what I was going to do, so I confided in a friend named Chris. He was in my choir class with me. It was an easy elective for me to take. I told him that I was bi and he was shocked. He kept a very good secret and has never told anyone about Gregg. Chris would be my shoulder I would cry on about many of the shitty dilemmas I would go through. He knew I needed to vent about everything.

I met a girl who went to a different high school and we ended up dating for almost all of high school. While I dated her, I would hook up with random guys from my high school that I would meet online, or younger guys on my team. When I felt like my girlfriend wasn't giving me enough, or I thought a guy was cute I would hit on them and not try to make it obvious. When you are young and horny and an athlete you want to get off anytime you can.

The locker room in high school for football and baseball was very sexually charged. Especially during football season. Our football team was considered gods in my town. I played for a very respectable coach, who had many championships under his belt. We got away with a lot. Our team locker room was separate from the regular locker room. During lunch periods and study halls we were permitted to go and watch game film or just chill out and do homework. Every chance I could take, I would spend time in that locker room. Hanging out, eating lunch, and watching game film.. I spent a LOT of time in there.

The locker room was a very trusting place. I have always been intrigued with the relationships and secrets told within those walls. High school, College and professionally has all been the same. Guys can be very homoerotic inside of the locker room. Its all childs play. Jumping on someone while they are naked in the shower and humping them is usual. Guys just point, laugh and have even see a few guys pull on their puds pretending to pleasure themselves.

I can't believe I have gone this long just on high school. I have never really gone in depth about it and think I should keep doing it. I will work on college and professionally sometime today. It's good to get it down and let someone know what I have been through. Hit me back


boomer said...

I want to say that I would have been the same way if I had been in a big team sport, but I was such a pussy in high school that nothing ever would have happened. I played football and baseball in middle school. Around 8th grade during football seasons I realized I liked guys, but by then we were about to move to Atlanta. At that point I focused exclusively on golf and aside from 9th grade mandatory PE had no locker room experiences. This sounds weird but competitive golf is one of the straightest things you will ever see. 10th, 11th, 12th grade I was looking for every indication possible from my fellow competitors and found nothing. We played tournaments in Georgia, Virginia, Mississippi, Florida, everywhere in the southeast and I had nothing even close to a possible hookup.

Thankfully my brother swam my senior (his sophomore) year, so I got to check out the guys in guise of hanging out with him.

Thanks for the memories

Rob said...

Hey. . .I just finished reading the first page of your blog. You're an awesome writer--intelligent, articulate and expressive. I wanted to e-mail you, but can't seem to find your address anywhere. So, if you wanna exchange some thoughts, hit me at Thanks.